My family.  Through my difficulties over the past year I have found them more and more valuable to me.  Loss is difficult and maintaining family is top priority.

 

Your skin was hard

As leather

When I was a child

Taunt sinew of

A tough heritage.

It softened as you aged

Still showing every crease

Of history and devotion.

I was barely 25 when

You passed. . . didn't

Have a clue about the

World, myself, or

Where I was going.

When I told you it

Was ok to let go,

I would be fine ---

I lied.

I've never found my

Leathered skin, that

Heritage, history or devotion.

Still, many days, wondering

When I will get a clue

About the world, myself

Or where I am going.

There will come a time,

I will rest again,

My head upon your chest -

The safest place I've ever been.

Oct. 2, 2008

Nearly 3 darknesses have past,
fast continues,
my physical needs give way
and the mental/emotional
begins a much needed purge.
Dry fast speeds the emeshment
into the spirit, while filtering out the
physical and mental controls.
It will continue unitl I am whole again.
Soon I will head into the forest, to
begin an unfinished journey.
The darkness of my mind, soul and body
must be released and unity of that safe place
has to relate.
I am me no more; God have mercy in this
enlightenment.

I have found that despite my introverted comfort level of private space - I too have an opposit, yet balancing need for the extorversion of a work environment; that public space.  Every quest is a new chance to develop an indepth personal knowledge.

We all need to find the balance and the self knowledge to maintain it.

Happiness is cuddled in my lover's arms,
as we both fall to sleep.
Happiness is the way my lover's eyes sparkle
when they look into mine.
Happiness is the peace, the safety
the love and the hope that rest within
those eyes and those arms or my lover.

Happiness is holding my children
close as they learn that a parent
is supportive, loving and a guiding force.
Happiness is watching them play together
in their own inseparable way.
Knowing that theirs is a bond that we helped form;
that the rest is on them, we merely guide ----
Happiness is watching their path.

God will not give more than one can handle.  There are times I have doubted this and yet I find myself still alive.   Whatever trials, demons, or reluctances that enter my being are never terminal to my soul.  Over the past few months, I have become aquainted with the path of my soul; stealing every free moment to correct the mistakes of my youthful ignorance regarding the importance of learning from our elders.  I returned to learn the ways of my ancestors, the Shawnee and the Lenape; as well as the way of Appalachian culture of survival.  It is an odd combination by which my soul leads: the Native Americans, Apalachians, Protestantism; Precognitions; and Reiki.  There is little I can do but follow in awe of what is given me.

It has been awhile, since I last checked in.  Illnesses, completing academic work, family obligations, and most recently the death of my aunt. 

My aunt, married to my Father's brother for 49 years before he passed away in 1984, was 90 years old.   She raised 8 children, 4 girls and 4 boys.  She had buried her husband, 2 children and a granddaughter.  My aunt showed amazing strength throughout her life and often allowed me shelter from my own.  She will be laid to rest beside Uncle Johnson on Tuesday, finally at peace.  It is amazing to have been part of such an amzing life.

24 hour sans stomach virus. Water that will stay down.

I allow hard work, ethical, integrity driven persons.  There are crimes so grievace that intolerance is the only answer.  I have litle to no tolerance for false persons. 

 

            Perhaps everyone comes to a point in life when they wonder if what they have done has been good enough.... Good enough to leave a mark, even if only for a brief time.  Have I been good enough, humble enough, kind enough, dedicated enough, ethical enough, spiritual enough, have I loved enough, respected enough, prayed enough, and have I shown compassion enough?

            Is what I have overcome, shared and become enough to meet an everlasting life?  How can one ever know?  It is like standing upon the shifting sand and never being quite sure of one's footing.

            Shifting sands of time, energy and eternal peace - when does one stand, when does one fall?  What determines when one's time runs out, when they rise or fall to a different level? 

            The shifting sands give no answers --- Has it been enough?  Good, bad, nonexistent?  Perhaps only the sifting of the sands will tell.